The decision to write again and to share on this page is an ad-hoc decision. I’m in Morocco now. Somewhere in a little village in the Atlas mountain. Before we left Marrakech this morning I decided to install Instagram on my iPhone again to be able to continue sharing my impressions of this amazing country with the people I love, with my friends and with some unknown people who decided to follow my photographs for whatever reason. But also to share my personal story that goes along with the beautiful or less beautiful views I encounter.
I posted a picture of a cat of Marrakech this morning and wrote a little “I’m back” caption that goes along with it and then went on thinking about how this caption should be longer and that I had no patience to write on my phone. But I want to write. And I have the urge to write. So I waited until tonight to ask Dado for his laptop to try to log in on this website and to write whatever I want to write about.
Aska and the Wolf is a website I wanted to be “my next big project”. I started writing about clothes, memories and esthetics of fashion. About stories that we wear. Memories woven through the fabrics of our clothes. I collected some vintage pieces and wrote about them. I designed some pieces last year at this time in Sarajevo. I wanted to prepare this website as my long term project – I planned to make clothes, to write about them, to curate some vintage pieces with new designers and in the end maybe to sell them through this website. I already put so much energy into it. I never published any of these. Cause the perfectionist in me always waits till everything is perfect, which means finishes almost nothing. The ADHDer in me is terribly bad in planning and but has no patience and gets frustrated easily. The OCDer in me is obsessing about details, never finishing the big picture or even completely forgetting what the big picture was. So this website, this project, Aska and the Wolf stayed empty. Unfinished. Bothering me. But I couldn’t move. I felt trapped. Trapped by my own rules and expectations.
Today I decided to try to break these rules. To do whatever I feel to do. First of all to write. To break that perfectionist trap that keeps me as a prisoner of my own mind. To open up. And. Just. To. Write. However. Whatever. As long as I feel like. Without rules. No borders. No expectations. No restrictions. To write in a place that already exists for a long time and that waits for way too long to be filled with words and pictures and love. Just like this village in the mountains of Atlas. Where people do things without striving for perfection. Everything seems to come so natural and spontaneous. And this makes it so effortlessly beautiful. So I decided to write without thinking and rewriting. This is what I’m feeling now. What I’m doing now. It feels like an easy thing to do. This is Aska and the Wolf. Just this.
So, what is it that I want to share with you today? Well, due to circumstances I can’t share now. Because the internet is really really slow here and I can’t log in to this blog. I write this in a text editor. But I may not see this as an excuse not to write. I may not use it as an excuse. The excuses for not doing things we feel we need to do are always present. Also, the urge to do things we want to do is always present. But if this urge is suppressed it will grow into something ugly. And that ugly is for everyone something different. About my ugly I will write tomorrow. Now, drunk from the fresh air of the High Atlas I say good night to you, beautiful world. I’m thankful for you being out there. I hope I can post this online soon. I will.
I will keep on writing when I feel the urge. I promise this to myself.